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[thatcrazycajun]

So. Songbird and I are finally going to see Monty Python's Spamalot! tonight at the Fabulous Fox Theatre. (She's taking a break from frantically trying to finish work for CDC that she foolishly overcommitted herself to doing before she leaves for Kenya.) Apropos of this...

QUEEN NOT-APPEARING-IN-THIS-SHOW Music and lyrics by Matt G. Leger Inspired by the soundtrack of Monty Python's Spamalot! GUENEVERE I know that you’re all wondering, “Who is this silly cow And what’s she doing suddenly on stage?” I’m here to set you pondering Why in this show right now The tellers of this myth have mythed—-missed a page... In ev’ry time before When old Arthurian lore Has been presented on the stage or screen There’s noble knights and King And one more little thing... How dare this show forget to cast his Queen? (Whips out tiara and puts it on her head) Who’d put King Arthur here Without his Guenevere? This can’t have come about by mere mischance; Before the tale is done You’ve got to have the one Who comes between him and his fav’rite Lance! In that other famous play Our love was on display And Julie Andrews sang my role with style; But here all my big scenes Are given, so it seems To a soggy tart in nothing but a smile! (Gestures at the LADY OF THE LAKE, who looks daggers at her) From what I’m seeing here It seems to me quite clear This show’s producers don’t like me a lot; How can we work the angle Of that well-known triangle When they’ve put in a poofter Lancelot?! LANCELOT (peevishly) Am not! GUENEVERE In this farce I’m disgraced; The film on which it’s based Left me out too, despite my wails and tears. You’d think they would at last Redress the errant past And they’d remember after thirty years! KING ARTHUR (enters contritely) My darling Guenevere,

Forgive me, love, I fear You’re cheated of your due, it is agreed; But the budget for our stars Has already soared past Mars—- We simply can’t afford another lead! Please bear with us, and then I promise in the end You’ll be in the finale by my side. GUENEVERE (tartly) Why do I still suspect You’ve not been quite direct? You just want more stage time to salve your pride! (ARTHUR blushes, embarrassed) I’ll wager fifty ‘P’ Sir Thomas Malory Is spinning in his grave this very night; At least you could have gone And gotten Elton John To write this thing and have it done up right! ARTHUR and GUENEVERE (together) Oh, somewhere in this world A banner is unfurled And heroes fight for their true love’s embrace But in this hallowed hall The stage is far too small With all the props and extras, there’s no space... ARTHUR For you, sweet Guenevere... GUENEVERE It’s all right, Arthur dear; In this dark age a woman must be meek. But when this show has run My book about our fun-— Will make me millions in about a week! ARTHUR What cheek! GUENEVERE (Spoken) Oprah, here I come! BOTH I’ll (You’ll) be a millionairess in a week! (GUENEVERE exits laughing as ARTHUR looks after her in horror) END

Original music and lyrics ©2006-7 by Matt G. Leger. No infringement on existing copyrights is intended or should be inferred. Performance or recording for profit requires prior written consent from copyright holder; all other uses freely permitted so long as this credit is retained unaltered.

Comments

[filkferengi]

Fun! Have you seen the movie with Sophia Loren & Peter Sellers?