Dear Diary...it's me, George, again
Nov. 9th, 2006 10:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thatcrazycajunFROM THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF G. W. BUSH
The White House, Washington, DC
Thursday 11-09-2006, 10:12 AM:
The White House, Washington, DC
Thursday 11-09-2006, 10:12 AM:
Snicker. Six years I've been here now, and still none of The Peepul have twigged that I actually can read, write and spell—or that I know all this Internet stuff backwards and forwards. (The whitehouse.gov page has already topped 6M hits this month! W00t!) They must be dumber than I act if they can't see it's all a shuck to keep people "misunderestimating" me. Hah! But that's the only good news today. I swear to God, if I gotta listen to one more fucking second of that smug faggot "Rimjob" Emanuel's diarrhea of the mouth, I'm gonna hurl worse than I used to in my hardest binge-drinking days back in college.
Where did it all go wrong? Only two days ago Karl was assuring me we'd at least keep the Senate and the Dems wouldn't get more than a bare plurality in the House. Now it's Thursday after the election and not only do they have twice the margin they needed to control the House, but if what I'm hearing out of Richmond is true and that wuss Allen isn't going to grow a pair and demand a recount, they'll have the Senate too. And those fucktards in the press pool want to know why I'm singing such a different tune now than I was Monday night. Why do you think, dumbasses?! Duh. Earth to reporters: Hel-LO! I lied! I said what I had to for the party folks to motivate them. Now the election's over. How in the name of Saint Reagan can you geniuses not figure that one out?
And to top it all off, first thing Wednesday morning I get into the Oval and there's a conference call waiting. It's Hastert and Frist...and as you can probably guess, they did not sound like happy campers. "Mr. President, I just got off the phone with Nancy Pelosi," Denny says. "They're wasting no time breaking our balls. She says either you accept Rumsfeld's resignation immediately, or she's calling hearings on his conduct of the war the instant she's sworn in as Speaker...and you can forget what she said for public consumption about impeachment not being on the table, too. There's no more avoiding it, sir; if you know what's good for you—and for us—you'll shitcan his sorry ass like I said you should two years ago, and I mean right frigging NOW." They're in a position to know, so I had no choice but to call Rummy in and tell him the bad news. Goddamn, but I hate having to backpedal...but at least he took it like a man. 41 says this Gates fella is the best choice to replace him; Poppy usually knows what he's talking about with this stuff, and he worked with the guy, so I'm going with it. He can't possibly do a worse job than Don; nobody could...not that you'll ever catch me saying that in public.
Now I gotta mouth the usual bullshit about "conciliation" and "reaching across the aisle," yadda-yadda-yadda, and remind people I was able to work with Dems back in Texas as Governor and I can do it here. Like I hadn't been giving it to them up the ass with a red-hot poker ever since my first inauguration! (Still can't believe they bought all that "I'm a uniter, not a divider" shit back in 2000. Hee.) And Reid and Pelosi are making nice now for the cameras, too...but that phone call Hastert got yesterday shows that, come January, we're gonna find out exactly how much of an unholy castrating bitch payback can be, no matter what they say to us or the press until then.
And you better believe they're gonna push me with everything they've got to give them their Goddamned timetable for withdrawal from Iraq. You'd think they'd have been paying better attention; I just spent the past week on the stump practically admitting that we've been in it for the oil all along. And they think I'm gonna let the insurgents have control of all that black gold? Puh-lease. As we say down in Crawford, that ole dog won't hunt. But it's true I don't want any more of our troops killed any more than they do, but for different reasons; the PR shellacking we took over all those deaths last month was a big part of why we just got our asses handed to us—even I didn't need Karl to tell me that much. I gotta stop the bleeding somehow, in more ways than one, if we want to have any hope of keeping the White House in GOP hands and getting Congress back in two years. And for damned sure, there goes the dream of declaring myself President-for-Life and staying past 20 January 2009. (Yeah, yeah, I know, not even Johnny, Nino and Sammy over at the Supreme Court would sit still for that, and sure as hell Pace wouldn't...but a fella can dream, can't he?)
Sigh. Thank God Laura's still on my side, bless her heart. And at least the dog hasn't turned on me...yet.
Where did it all go wrong? Only two days ago Karl was assuring me we'd at least keep the Senate and the Dems wouldn't get more than a bare plurality in the House. Now it's Thursday after the election and not only do they have twice the margin they needed to control the House, but if what I'm hearing out of Richmond is true and that wuss Allen isn't going to grow a pair and demand a recount, they'll have the Senate too. And those fucktards in the press pool want to know why I'm singing such a different tune now than I was Monday night. Why do you think, dumbasses?! Duh. Earth to reporters: Hel-LO! I lied! I said what I had to for the party folks to motivate them. Now the election's over. How in the name of Saint Reagan can you geniuses not figure that one out?
And to top it all off, first thing Wednesday morning I get into the Oval and there's a conference call waiting. It's Hastert and Frist...and as you can probably guess, they did not sound like happy campers. "Mr. President, I just got off the phone with Nancy Pelosi," Denny says. "They're wasting no time breaking our balls. She says either you accept Rumsfeld's resignation immediately, or she's calling hearings on his conduct of the war the instant she's sworn in as Speaker...and you can forget what she said for public consumption about impeachment not being on the table, too. There's no more avoiding it, sir; if you know what's good for you—and for us—you'll shitcan his sorry ass like I said you should two years ago, and I mean right frigging NOW." They're in a position to know, so I had no choice but to call Rummy in and tell him the bad news. Goddamn, but I hate having to backpedal...but at least he took it like a man. 41 says this Gates fella is the best choice to replace him; Poppy usually knows what he's talking about with this stuff, and he worked with the guy, so I'm going with it. He can't possibly do a worse job than Don; nobody could...not that you'll ever catch me saying that in public.
Now I gotta mouth the usual bullshit about "conciliation" and "reaching across the aisle," yadda-yadda-yadda, and remind people I was able to work with Dems back in Texas as Governor and I can do it here. Like I hadn't been giving it to them up the ass with a red-hot poker ever since my first inauguration! (Still can't believe they bought all that "I'm a uniter, not a divider" shit back in 2000. Hee.) And Reid and Pelosi are making nice now for the cameras, too...but that phone call Hastert got yesterday shows that, come January, we're gonna find out exactly how much of an unholy castrating bitch payback can be, no matter what they say to us or the press until then.
And you better believe they're gonna push me with everything they've got to give them their Goddamned timetable for withdrawal from Iraq. You'd think they'd have been paying better attention; I just spent the past week on the stump practically admitting that we've been in it for the oil all along. And they think I'm gonna let the insurgents have control of all that black gold? Puh-lease. As we say down in Crawford, that ole dog won't hunt. But it's true I don't want any more of our troops killed any more than they do, but for different reasons; the PR shellacking we took over all those deaths last month was a big part of why we just got our asses handed to us—even I didn't need Karl to tell me that much. I gotta stop the bleeding somehow, in more ways than one, if we want to have any hope of keeping the White House in GOP hands and getting Congress back in two years. And for damned sure, there goes the dream of declaring myself President-for-Life and staying past 20 January 2009. (Yeah, yeah, I know, not even Johnny, Nino and Sammy over at the Supreme Court would sit still for that, and sure as hell Pace wouldn't...but a fella can dream, can't he?)
Sigh. Thank God Laura's still on my side, bless her heart. And at least the dog hasn't turned on me...yet.
