Just posted to the FBI website...

[thatcrazycajun]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE--NOVEMBER 21, 2005

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
Michael Chertoff, Secretary
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
Alberto Gonzales, Attorney General
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
Robert Mueller, Director

FUGITIVE ALERT
WANTED
SANTA CLAUS
Aliases: Kris Kringle, St. Nicholas, Sinter Klaas, Father Christmas, Fat Nick, The Jolly Old Elf

Age: Undetermined, but appears elderly
Gender: Male
Race: Caucasian
Height: 5'4" (280 cm)
Weight: 250 lbs. (174 kg)
Eyes: Blue
Hair: White, long, with beard
Complexion: Dimpled and rosy-cheeked
Last seen wearing a red suit with white fur trim and a large black belt, as well as a matching hat and black snow boots

Suspect is wanted on charges of the following repeated annual violations of federal, state and local laws:

- Smuggling (unlawful importation of toys, clothing and foodstuffs into U.S. territory without payment of duties/tariffs or inspection)
- Illegal crossing of U.S. borders without visa or clearance
- Violation of secure airspace
- Frivolous triggering of NORAD air defense alerts
- Breaking and entering of private property, i.e., households across the nation and the world, usually by night via chimney
- Operation of unlicensed aircraft (described by some as "a flying sleigh") without FAA clearance or flight plan filed
- Unlawful capture and keeping of Endangered Species List animals (i.e., reindeer AKA caribou)
- Forced labor by "elves" without payment or compliance with Dept. of Labor and OSHA regulations
- Unlawful surveillance of minor children without parental consent
- Violation of municipal anti-smoking ordinances (i.e., pipe use on public property)
- Violation of municipal "pooper scooper" laws (allowing said reindeer to defecate while airborne over both private and public property)
- Violation of hazardous material handling regulations, i.e., depositing of coal lumps in certain households without proper sealed containers

Suspect is known to operate with a gang of "elves" by night and may be considered a terrorist threat. Suspect is not known to be armed, but is reputed to have magical powers and should be considered extremely dangerous. Do not under any circumstances attempt to apprehend. Any items deposited in your home by Suspect, e.g., toys, clothing or other gifts, should be considered evidence in a Federal criminal investigation and turned in immediately to your nearest FBI office.

Please report any sightings immediately to Special Agent D. Scully, FBI Headquarters, Washington, DC 20002 or visit www.fbi.gov for more information.

Comments

[gimmeahand.livejournal.com]

17 years ago (OMG! 17 years??!!!), when I worked a civilian in the Police Department, our office holiday decorations consisted of a fake cell containing an inflatable Santa (cuffed), with a Complaint Report attached to the wall, listing many of the charges you enumerated above. Of course, I worked in an office that was inaccessible to the general public. I've seen similar posters re: Jesus.