Reaction to an old '70s Top 40 radio chestnut's exhumation

[thatcrazycajun]

Those of you my age or older will probably recall (most likely, against your will) a song that was all over radio in the era of bell-bottom jeans and lighted dance floors: "Escape (The Piña Colada Song)," one of only two songs by singer/songwriter Rupert Holmes to crack the Top 10 on the old charts, the other being "Him." (For those who mercifully managed never to have heard or forgotten it, go here if you dare to the lyrics and a video of the song itself.)

Lately one of our local soft-rock radio stations has been playing this at least once daily while I listen at work, reminding me of just why I found it so annoying back in the day. When a song gets on my nerves, me being a filker, my natural reaction is to parody it. Hence this idea for the last verse of this song as its improbable would-be-adulterer's scenario probably would have played out in real life:

She grabbed my piña colada
And threw it into my face,
Then she kicked with her spike heels
In a delicate place.
She said, "My lawyer will be calling you,
You dirty two-timing ape;
He'll take your ass to the cleaners—
There will be no escape!"

Anyone wishing to use this in an update of the full song for the era of Internet matchmaking sites and speed-dating may feel free; I don't have the patience for it.

Comments

[mshollie.livejournal.com]

LOL!!! I do like piña coladas, but I wouldn't "Escape".

You probably wouldn't remember his earlier hit, a little ditty by the Buoys called "Timothy". Take a good listen to the lyrics sometime.

[baka-kit.livejournal.com]

Now I've got that stupid song stuck in my head.

[archiver-tim.livejournal.com]

Rupert Holmes was also a leading creative force in the AMC original series 'WENN', on a few years ago. Or was it 15 years ago?

[thnidu.livejournal.com]

Why exhume a chestnut? Let it grow and your heirs will have chestnuts. (gd&ravvf)

[banjoplayinnerd.livejournal.com]

Aren't you forgetting "The Answering Machine Song"? Or did that not make the top 10? (I'm not familiar with "Him" but I do remember "The Answering Machine Song."

[thatcrazycajun.livejournal.com]

I had indeed forgotten all about "Answering Machine" and now I can't get the silly thing outta my freakin' head! Thanks just all to pieces, cousin... :-)

[boogiebabe-smap.livejournal.com]

Love it! Would like to see the complete song when you finish it.

[ericavdg.livejournal.com]

Love it! You are a lyric genius, my dear. I was working in an office with a top-40 radio channel on ALL THE TIME when that song was popular.

And by all means check out "Timothy." An all-time favorite of mine, well worth the effort.