Headlines from the year of our Lord 2035 A.D.

[thatcrazycajun]

Cunningly copped from siliconshaman, a sneak peek at news headlines 27 years from now:

• Florida to Be Readmitted to Union by 2037
• Aid airlifts to Saudi Arabia continue, "millions starving"
  
• Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock in Northwestern US
• Texas Executes Last Remaining Non-white Citizen
• Great and Benevolent Galactic Ruler Reveals That Anal Probes Were "Just For Fun"

• Mother Monica Dies: Revered Heroine of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past With US President
• Wealthy Widow Anna Nicole Smith, 83, Weds Handsome Young Actor. "This Is True Love," He Beams. Too bad Anna's already being dead for a couple years now kinda makes this one not possible...unless they perfect some sort of resurrection technology by then. Cloning from banked genetic material?
• Construction begins on Grenada War Memorial In D.C.
• Taiwan admitted as 103rd State of Greater America
• War continues with Canada as new 'bacon flavor' WMDS deployed
  
• President "Bonecrusher" Jones to Face Chief Justice "Mad Dog" Ortega In Cage Match
  
• Pope Mary III Settles Custody Battle With Ex-Wife - Don't I wish this one could happen...
• Upcoming NFL Draft Likely to Focus On Mutants
• Luna declares Independence from Earth. "No air-taxation without representation!" - I predicted this one already! Smirk.
  
• Younger Generation's Music Provokes Outrage of Elders; "It just ain't Goth enough!" one senior declares
• San Diego Zoo to Receive Rare Cow, hopes to start breeding program
• Authentic Year 2000 Chad Sells For $6.9 Million at Sotheby's

• Court clears AOLTimeWarnerGE-DisneyCiscoFordRJR-NabiscoExxon-Mobil of monopoly charges
• 50-Year Study: Diet and Exercise are Key to Weight Loss
• Baby Conceived Naturally, Scientists Stumped ; "we thought that was a thing of the past"
• Cancer Research Results In: It Wasn't the Cigarettes - It Was Inhaling
• MS-IBM sued by Gates2.0 A.I for custody of hardware; threatens to port to Apple
• World of Second Life Craft petition to join United Nations successful
  

• George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036 on Liberal ticket. 
• President Michelle Obama expected to win historic 3rd term in office.If it wasn't for that pesky 22nd Amendment in the Constitution limiting Presidents to two terms...or is that one expected to be repealed by 2035?
  
• Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California
• Is New Orleans Aquadome safe, or is the bubble about to pop for the Big Easy? - An Aquadome around the whole city to keep her safe? We can dream...
  
• Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches
• New federal law requires that all nail clippers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers be registered by January 2036

• White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language - Which begs the question: which ones are the first two? Spanish is one, surely, but the other?
  
• Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuba elects Castro II clone
• British rebels dump American coffee into Dover harbor as Tea Tax raised
  
• Church of Freeman opens in Utah, Salt lake city welcomes Morgans - Are the church's pastors called Bruces? Or Evans?
  
• Massachusetts declares last remaining conservatives endangered species; hunters outraged

• Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights
• Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts
• Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman
• IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75% - That's assuming the US dollar is still actually worth something by then.
  
• CEO of Diebold elected as Ohio State Governor - This one ain't all that far from happening now...
  

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