Remember that nifty new job? It's history.

It's over. After only a month, I am no longer an employee of HPI Direct. I screwed the proverbial pooch so badly that the Big Boss gave me the old heave-ho this evening as we were finishing for the day. I am now 0 for 3 in attempts to prove I can keep a job. Mary is upset already over trying to finish an application for a New York CDC opening by midnight and needing still more dental work. And hearing this did NOT help. As for me, I am casting about for reasons not to hurl myself in front of a speeding bus right about now.

I'm torn between wishing they would change their mind and being relieved to be out of that pressure cooker. They really were asking me to do three separate jobs. I could barely keep up with two. Too many pieces of work delayed, mistakes in files, thinking I'd sent out things and hadn't, pissing off a salesperson or two...it all added up. I really tried, I worked hard, staying till late at night often, and still they said I wasn't "the right fit." (Which is what they say when they're too afraid of being sued to tell you the truth.)

I have to wonder now if I keep picking the wrong places to work or I just can't work as a graphics person any more. I really am thinking about blowing my fucking brains out...even if I’m too cowardly to actually do it.