Trauma

[thatcrazycajun]

Today the movers came.

We found out that the two days we thought we would have them to help sort out what gets sent to the Songbird's new nest in Nairobi and what gets stored or hung onto for her by moi is actually only one. So the whole process had to be radically compressed.

Now I am watching them pack up most of what she owns as I herd my own few possessions into one room. The home we have shared meals and laughed and cried and fought and made love in for four years is disappearing, one piece at a time.

And on Sunday afternoon, so will she, gone for at least two years. And I will be truly on my own for the first time since 2001.

It wasn't really real until now. Today it is. She is weeping and exhausted, neither of us having slept more than two hours a night for the last two, and I am wondering whether I can even get a job to afford the new apartment I'll have to find by this time next month.

And I have never been so depressed—or so terrified—in my entire life.

Comments

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

You can do it. You can both do it. We will help. Take a deep breath, take another, and hang in. It may feel like it... but you are not alone.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

*bearhug* If either of us can help either of you in any way with this, please let us know.

[crowatdusk.livejournal.com]

Hi from long ago past....I found you through singing_phoenix....she hasn't posted in forever....but I see that you are both being swept up in a final rush toward a major transition....best wishes to both of you!!!! I would call but we have no long distance carrier. Cal and I aren't going to be around for long in PA. We're putting alot in storage and moving and intend to live on the road mostly for some time....cross country then hopefully overseas. But we'll be here most of the summer so if you are in Phila. and need a place to crash let us know through my LJ. Best wishes again,pass this on to M. ~S.

Yea though I walk through the valley...

[a-phoenix-afire.livejournal.com]

Get your John Wayne on dude. Throw those things over your shoulder and think without fear. How? Faith!!! It's not just for the good times anymore. (That's a joke, 'cause it never is or was) What do I have faith in?? That God will carry you if you can't walk. That things WILL turn out well, just like in the fairy tales, and you WILL have the good things you want. Here's the bad news. Your life will be a physical manifestation of your faith, so get to having faith in good things or get used to the bad. How do you have faith. Pray for it, believing that God will grant it to you. Then when he does, put it to practice. Remember to thank Him for the little things. He likes that. Remember to ask Him to come close to you. He desires that.

On a fleshly note, remember that you're not going to be homeless or starve. Also, think of the alone time as time to put your ideas to work. The first expense you get rid of is the boob tube. Not having it will clear your head and force you to do something else with as much as 6 hrs a day that you won't be wasting anymore.

Chin up -- Shoulders back -- Take deep breaths -- Stand up straight -- BELIEVE and ACT.

It's easy to walk the wire when you don't look down.

V

[cellio]

{hugs}

Change is hard, but you can get through this.

You'll be okay

[baggette.livejournal.com]

You know you'll be okay, because really, what other choice do you have? Chin up! Act like it's going to work out and then somehow, it will. I will keep you in my prayers, Matt; as I have been for some time now. This desert you're enduring now, seems unbearable and impossible to survive.
Remember that what doesn't kill us just makes us stronger.
In which case, WE are F^@%*#^ HERCULEAN!
Endure and thrive
B

[ohikennedy.livejournal.com]

I did something similar, tho' my journey was only 1,500 miles. The fear & heartache & exhaustion sound the same. I can tell you from experience that you will survive. You may well thrive if you choose to, & you'll undoubtedly learn & grow & have new scary experiences. Trust people. Be willing to ask for, & accept, help & friendship. Talk about your self, & ask questions you want to know the answers to.

But first, get some sleep & eat good food. It doesn't matter that "you're not hungry" or the bed frightens you. If needed, have a friend check that you eat & sleep regularly. Nap on the couch. Drink lots of non-caffeinated beverages & take some long, luxurious showers or baths. Spend time outside.

It's OK to be depressed. Lots of change is hard for sane people. But you'll deal with it, & rebuild your life in a new shape. Best wishes!

[crowatdusk.livejournal.com]

ohikennedy is so-o-o-o right! I was once in a big funk and trying to figure out what direction I wanted to take with my life when I suddenly realized that it was nuts to try to make life changing decisions when I was sleeping off and on at all different hours and eating a bunch of crap. Staying well hydrated is important too - dehydration affects circulation and ultimately brain function.

But besides that ohikennedy touched on really great points. I think you will surprise yourself with your resourcefulness. You're very likely a totally different person than the last time you were on your own, so it stands to reason you'll fare differently. And unlike then, you're really not totally alone!

I have all my stuff in storage waiting for Cal to catch up - he has tons more stuff and a house of 60 years to clear out. I've about had it with "stuff" - it's overwhelming. I'm ready to be a "gypsy". I'm sure this will bring its hardships, but because like your other friends have said, we get stronger with experience (also more resourceful), I'm looking forward to it as adventuresome too. You'll be fine. Do what you KNOW to do.